I had a free Friday evening so thought that I’d check out the book launch for Tom Torero of Daygame.com.
After reserving my seat I headed down to Marble Arch in London. For some reason the pressure of attending a pick-up event brought out the need to open a set on the way down. I had great eye contact from a girl, she even came and stood in front of me on the tube, but my AA kicked in.
My vibe was completely shot to pieces as I hadn’t really communicated with any one all day, instead making it part way through the 3rd season of Battlestar Galatica (Caprica 6 anyone?) and working on a website. So needless to say I didn’t open, yeah I regret that now.
The event itself was pretty good, it’s obvious that both Tom Torero and Nick Krauser have their shit sorted. Nick does still look a bit “old-school pua” with multiple rings and accessories, I was impressed with his boots, metal edged bronze toe-caps.
The first half was Nick explaining how to maintain a European Harem ( Har-M in his term-of-speak) using a football analogy. I have no fucking idea about football, essentially it boiled down to:
- There are some girls into you and you are into them, they will stick around for a long time and you can fuck them. (inner circle, Ryan Giggs)
- There are others who come and go, you fuck them, but they are less into you. (less reliable, Striker)
- These girls are players (football not pickup) and are on rotation, there will be some attrition, but they will come and go in your life, you need to maintain them.
- You should take cheap flights to European cities, number farm through day game, get some options, get dates.
- Game them in their own city, then come back and long game them, you probably wont get the lay on your first visit, the second visit lay is more likely.
- Using some easy techniques you can make them stick around longer than they would do normally.
- You fulfil the role of the “pool boy”, you are “r-selected”, you are completely different world to her life.
- You are not the provider or boyfriend, you are a conduit to a different life.
- She doesn’t want to be rescued, she has a good life, you are her cool London guy (different to everyone else in her life)
- You add something to her life she doesn’t have, you are not white-knighting or rescuing her.
- 3 pillars of this game (as I recall) adventure, comfort and discretion.
- To maintain the harem: ping girls short texts: “I am at my brothers, wrestling my nephew”, “I saw a girl who looked like you, she was upset because she lost her ice cream”
- Every two weeks or so for a couple of hours, have a longer conversation where you talk about “normal shit”, girls want emotion and comfort, you let her offload her baggage.
- Be discreet, you are her dirty little secret, never “like” her photos or comment directly on her facebook only contact her via private message.
All of this was hitting home, all I could think of was shit, I’m doing it wrong with all the potentials I have on Facebook, girls I’ve met, but have written off for some reason (like I don’t live near them). This is gonna queue a whole string of feeler pings to girls on Facebook, I’m not maintaining my Har-M!
Then the further realisation, I had wanted a way to keep it touch with the Italian girl I fucked recently. I hadn’t known how to go about it (she was moving to the Netherlands), I now have my strategy.
After Krauser, Tom rolled in. He chatted about unplugging from the matrix and read aloud the last pages of his new book. He put daygame into the context of a wider strategy for happiness. He made it clear that should you unplug, then you still need something else to plug into (projects),
I suppose it runs analogous with “game proper” you shouldn’t remove your he-plug from her she-socket without having alternative she-sockets, or preferably a she-adaptor with multiple she-sockets.
Tom then went into detail for how brutal daygame can be, especially in a foreign country and especially if you are on your own, the “dark nights of the soul”.
You should recognise what’s holding you back from living the life you want, because having an explicit recognisation of this allows you to work through it. For Tom it seemed that it was family stuff, it seemed obvious that there was a lot more to it than his folks not wanting him to piss off around the world, probably someone he feels he has to be around to support. For me this resounded true as well.
I’d put off buying the ticket for my four month trip to South East Asia since leaving my job. Multiple reasons, “I wasn’t in good enough shape”, “I still had stuff to sell”, I also had my own family reasons for not leaving, these are the excuse weasels stopping us, anyway, thankfully I have overcome them. (I leave for Singapore in a week for four months travel)
Sell everything, Tom emptied out his travel bag which contained fuck all apart from a laptop, “a pack of essentials” which I assumed was a family pack of condoms, a passport and the clothes he was wearing. We don’t need all the shit that we collect and it holds us back adding clutter to our lives, physically and mentally.
For a book launch the whole thing was pretty low key, they didn’t even have copies of either Nick’s or Tom’s books to buy, which I think was a bit of a failure on their part, looking round the room I could see plenty of budding daygamers willing to spend their hard-earned greenbacks on the book, sadly none to buy, disappointing (we were told there would be no books to buy, but still..).
There was a question and answer bit, a few good questions, but a lot of questions revealed more about some in the audience, showing that they just “didn’t get it” and to my mind probably never would.
I asked Nick a question about “Rejection and how he copes with it”, it was the first thing that came to mind, this isn’t really a sticking point for me, I just wanted to ask him something. He got me to qualify how much day game I had done, “none”, how long I had been doing game of anyl types, i said “5 years”, plucked it from the air, how many sets I had opened, “100” plucked again, but I guess it could be rough estimate, as in the past 5 years I have mostly been in LTRs.
He told me I was at the beginning of my daygame journey and that rejection still hurts, but lessens with time, and that you need to go through a thousand sets, even just a “hi”, then you will have a new perspective on rejection. At this point the event came to a close and we went to the pub for beer.
I only stayed for a short while at the pub – genuine time constraint for the last train home. Overall the event was inspirational, mostly because these are all guys like you and me, the difference is, they have put the hard-work in to get what they want.
No books to buy – I didn’t even get a chance to look at Tom’s book.
Although I flicked through Nick’s one (I decided it needed more pictures)
No half way break piss stop.
Good to meet Tom and Nick
Pretty inspirational overall
Good explanation of methodology for maintaining a European Har-M.
Unplugging is good, but you have to be prepared for it.