Month: March 2014

How to not bang girls in Lanzarote

My third jolly travel jaunt since my swallowing of the red pill, a week kite surfing in Lanzarote (with a sideline of sports and game).

Three goals of the holiday:

  1. Learn to kite surf at Famara beach.
  2. Improve my fitness at Club La Santa
  3. Get laid (where ever I can)

I spent a week in Lanzarote, normally I wouldn’t consider such a holiday as it’s firmly in the category of shit package “Thomson” get-aways where UK families go and pride themselves by getting as much out of their “all inclusive” by troughing all day and being pissed by 11am. Think “Benidorm”.

An unknown side of Lanzarote is a sports club at La Santa. A friend invited me over there, he works at the club and promised me an unending line of hot fit tanned sports girls, although often “it depended on the week”.

Club la Santa (CLS – Sports girls)

Sporty danish teens

Sporty danish teens

My friend certainly wasn’t wrong about the number of tanned fitties (I hit a good week apparently), the only problem being that they were all perhaps 15 years my junior. I’m talking girls of 18 to 20 with perfect athletic bodies wearing bikinis or sports wear in large mixed groups. They wander around doing sports classes, running, cycling, body pump or swimming in the pools. The girls have their own little social clique (they are on college organised trips), you’ll struggle to get in there, but if you do the rewards would be worth it.  Also, you’ll be competing with the instructors who see banging these girls as a perk of their job as they are paid so little.

La Famara (Surf scene – tourist surfer girls and local spanish)

Spanish surfer girls

Where’s the beach?

Generally pickings are pretty slim, there are a few pretty Spanish girls around the bars of Famara. If you want to meet some just hang around the bars the locals go to, strike up a conversation or try and ingratiate yourself into a mixed group. Surf bar Clandestino I liked. Having said that, the local guys have the Spanish tanned surfer look so if you are trying to hit up foreign tourist surfer chicks you won’t be the ideal they are going for.

I opened an group of Austrians with some success, I’ll write a field report about that night.

Out of my three goals, I’m claiming a partial success. I did get fit, as I hit the gym most days, I also did some of the classes and kite surfing is pretty energetic.  I did do well with the kite surfing, but next time I’d book for longer as you need a week and a half to really get to grips with it.

I didn’t get laid.